Dear Diary
by 27quill
Summary: "The ridiculousness of life is surreal to me. Just this morning Hermione began to lecture me when she caught a peek at my latest Potions grade. Apparently a reign of fire and brimstone can be flooding around us and my grades shall still be of utmost importance."


DEAR DIARY: The Potter Chronicles.

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up and I forgot what had happened. I forgot Sirius had died, I forgot I watched him die, that I was the reason he was gone.

I almost smiled before it came to me, and then I felt guilty, because I shouldn't be smiling, not when Siri is gone and the world is falling to pieces around me.

Aunt Petunia gave me bacon for breakfast, she looked worried. I think she's noticed I haven't been eating much. I wonder if she'd more scared about what the 'Spies' will think, or my death from starvation under their roof.

Hermione wrote me another letter; she's trying so hard to be my therapist long distance. I don't know if I want to face her again when they come rescue me. She'll look at me with those big sad brown eyes and I'll want to cry, but I won't and she'll know it. She'll see right through me just the way she always has. Then I'll feel bad for stressing her out on top of her no doubt nail biting frenzy over exam results.

I'm only really keeping this Diary because she asked me to; she says she read somewhere that even just writing out my thoughts might help, if I felt I couldn't talk about it all. She looked so hopeful that I couldn't refuse, and now I guess here I am writing this and feeling like an idiot. But I guess perhaps she has a point.

I've never spoken to anybody about any of the worst things to happen and bottling it all up tends to lead to explosions. I blew up Aunt Marge, I ransacked Dumbledore's office...I guess venting even in this form is worth it if it means I don't completely lose it and destroy something less fixable.

I have to go now.

HJP

Dear Diary,

I learnt how to make a spell chain today. I set the curtains on fire and exploded three beds before I got it under control again. Ron has kindly asked that I not try experimental magic in the dormitory again, or well he said and I quote 'If you must try something you don't know how to do yet could you bloody well do it somewhere we don't sleep mate, I don't put it past McGonagall to make us kip on the common room floor if you trash the place again' I think he may be right. The look on her face when she saw all those feathers flying and the scorch marks was a little bit like the time I told her about the Philosopher's stone. Can her lips get any thinner without disappearing altogether?

HJP

Dear Diary,

Neville melted his cauldron again today, but really who can blame him when the Dungeon bat swoops around like that, I'd have dropped the damn eyes in too soon as well if he just popped up behind me like that breathing like a dragon. I think Snape might have done it on purpose, cause Neville's potion looked almost the same as Mione's this time, and he can't have his supposed class failure doing something right can he?

Hermione said we were paranoid, Ron said Neville should have thrown the damn thing at Snape. I told them all to shut up and hurry up because Malfoy and his minions were hovering and no doubt looking to start something.

HJP

Dear Diary,

I won our first Quidditch match today. I should have felt happy, gleeful really; flying always was special for me. But all I could see was that Black dog in the stands, proudly watching over me and barking his compliments last summer when he came to watch me have a Seeker off with Charlie at the Burrow.

HJP

Dear Diary

Did you know my Patronus changed? I cast it today for the first time in a while. A bloody great shaggy dog came leaping out of my wand, barked and then wagged its tail at me.

I saved two little third years from the Dementor though, so I guess the shape doesn't really matter. I just wish it hadn't shocked me so much. I think I could have saved more people if I hadn't frozen for those few seconds that felt like a lifetime. Time enough it seems for a shop roof to collapse and a fire to start.

The War is coming now.

HJP

Dear Diary

I read about a family murdered today at Breakfast. I went for three hours with an Auror training dummy afterwards. People need to be protected and there are not enough well trained wizards out there to do it.

I don't think anyone thinks they need to know the hard stuff in times of peace. Now that War is upon us they've had a shock and they're scrambling to keep up.

I think I may hate Fudge a little for keeping them in the dark so long. If they'd know, if they'd just believed me, then they would have had a year to prepare. I know Voldemort was preparing, he wasn't strong enough all that time to really get going, so they could have caught up, even just a little bit.

Now it's too late and people are dying.

Hogwarts gets darker every day and people cry in the corridors. There isn't a day that goes past that someone isn't receiving bad news.

I wish there was something I could do to help them.

HJP

Dear Diary

We learnt a new spell in the DA today. I had Madam Pomfrey teach them all some basic field medic stuff.

How can anyone watch a twelve year old practising a bone mending charm on a dummy and not feel like crying? Better they learn how to spell themselves back together enough to get to safety than die because they can't walk. That's what Hermione says.

My stomach twists every time I think of kids like little Amy Sutton binding a splintered leg or shattered pelvis long enough to crawl somewhere semi safe.

We all read the story though in the paper. A mother of three little kids crawled over a mile with a bone sticking out of her hip just so she could sound the alarm when her village got attacked. Her kids were all found hiding in a secret tunnel under the village church, along with most of their children. None of the adults survived. But a whole village of kids are now orphans with nowhere to go. They lived through hiding away while all their parents were murdered above their heads.

Most of the people in the DA are determined they'll know how to help now. They don't want to be like those kids, hiding away scared to death while their family dies. I don't blame them.

HJP

Dear Diary

It seems silly to have a Yule celebration in the midst of all this horror. But Hogwarts has become a sort of refuge these days. Nobody wants to think about what is going on outside our gates.

The teachers think a little feasting and light heartedness will help us. They want us all to make believe that people are not dying in agony beyond our impenetrable fortress.

Lady Hogwarts will always keep her charges safe. That's something no one can deny, the Death eaters tried to breech the wards just last week and all of them got fried before they even passed the Hogsmeade boundary.

The teachers have all been putting as much extra power into the ward stones as they can afford to spare, they started teaching the upper years how to siphon off some energy into them yesterday.

No one wants to think about Hogwarts falling. We all help where we can. Lending power, teaching shield charms to the firsties, doing patrols and keeping a watch over the ward maps.

Despite all that though, the resilience of children impresses everyone once more. The feast was not perhaps as exuberant as it has been in past years. But there was laughter, jokes, even a few songs and dancing.

As the world falls about our ears, dance; dance my friends, for in the fires that burn your fields there is light and warmth still left to reap.

HJP

Dear Diary

The ridiculousness of life is surreal to me. Just this morning Hermione began to lecture me when she caught a peek at my latest Potions grade.

Apparently a reign of fire and brimstone can be flooding around us and my grades shall still be of utmost importance.

'I'm going to bed before you manage to get us killed, or worse expelled' I paraphrased at her when she wouldn't shut up.

She didn't appreciate it much. In fact she made me redo the entire assignment and graded it herself. Snape wouldn't accept this of course, when would he ever do something so kind? But Hermione was appeased so I suppose it wasn't a total waste of an hour.

HJP

Dear Diary

Alexis Dubrovnik is a demon sent from the open pits of hell currently miring our lives to torture me.

Dumbledore assigned myself and a select group of 'Advanced' students a Boot camp of sorts. Since we have all demonstrated so well that we shall be included in this fight no matter what, he said, we shall be treated like the warriors we intend to be.

I can't feel my buttocks. Mad eye cackled something awful went I waddled off the Duelling platform. I don't think my left butt cheek shall ever be the same again.

Tonks seemed to think this was the height of hilarity. She followed me around for a whole hour afterwards prodding my backside randomly to see if I'd feel it.

These so called 'trainers' Dumbledore arranged are a bunch of sadistic psychos.

Ron suggested perhaps getting trained by psychos will help us when we're facing a bunch of them across the battlefield. Hermione told us we were both being big babies and to grow up and be grateful such qualified people were willing to take the time to help us prepare.

I think the pressure is getting to her. She hasn't been this manic about learning since first year. She hit me over the head with the biggest book I have ever had the misfortune to see in my life. I warned her it would be a pity if she did what Voldemort couldn't and offed my by accident.

I don't think her response needs retelling. The entire boot camp is now half terrified of her and Mad-Eye keeps smiling at her in this really creepy approving way.

HJP

Dear Diary

We had our first proper battle today. Mad eye and Shacklebolt needed back up to rescue and bring back to the castle a bunch of refugees. The refugees of War have all been coming to Hogwarts to hide behind her impressive wards and walls. Half the castle is now a sort of camp for them.

So we of the boot camp got sent along to help. A little real life training they called it.

Neville got blasted into a wall and only Luna going berserk stopped the mangy werewolf chasing us from getting to his unconscious body.

I now have a very intimate appreciation of just how scary a woman in love can be when you hurt her beloved. I don't think any werewolf has ever been handled quite that way before. I always said Luna for all her dreaminess was someone to watch out for. She is after all one of the only people in our group who emerged practically unscathed from the Ministry debacle.

Hermione and Ron showed everyone what a little team work can accomplish; they worked back to back and covered a whole group of kids for over fifteen minutes while the rest of us fought elsewhere.

Of course I had to go and be the trouble magnet I am always accused of being. At one point I thought my chances of being barbecued alive were almost guaranteed. One of the Lestrange brothers started a fight in a burning pub, the alcohol would have flavoured us quite nicely I think.

Luckily we all got out with a few scrapes and at most a stay with Pomfrey. All the survivors are now in the refugee camp side of the castle.

HJP

Dear Diary

I don't know if I will ever write again.

War has come and the booming clangs of death and the rattle of armies gathering are sounding.

The Death eaters and their assorted lot have marched on the Castle.

They burned Hogsmeade to the ground and have set up camp in the ashes. The whole castle is ready to fight for our freedom. Everyone is willing to win or die trying. No one wants to live in the world if we lose.

I'm hoping that's not going to happen. But just in case I shall leave a last note here I wrote it a while ago. Call it my Eulogy for what has been and what could have been.

Yours in life and death,

Harry James Potter.

_I was eleven years old the first time I entered the wizarding world, eyes wide with wonder and heart filled with love for the world around me._

_I loved all I saw and I looked past the grey shadows and the hints of darkness flickering around my history._

_It wasn't the perfect fairytale everyone made it out to be. I know that, even then I understood the evil that hid away and peeked from behind fake smiles and expectations._

_But I loved this world and I loved magic. So I stayed, even when I could have run. Let's face it I was an Orphan, I had no family, no reason to stay and protect this world, no need to die at the hands of a psychotic lunatic. But I stayed because there was more to this world that the bad things._

_I met my first friends. I fell in love with the gentle loving lady Hogwarts who gave me my first ever home I could remember having._

_I was taken into the best sort of family this world had to offer. They survived on love and warmth and laughter. They were poor in money and rich in good food and honest love, some say even in numbers._

_I got the friends and family I had always secretly yearned for and I fell deeper in love with this wonderful place I now called home._

_Magic to me was another gift; just like breathing it became a part of my life that was vital._

_Despite what some people will say about the horrors I faced, year after year in this world from my first steps across the border into Magical London, I will always think that the thinks I gained far outweigh the bad situations and the pain. _

_I was a lost Orphan with no one to love or care for. But since I entered this world I have become a man. I became a man who has love and light and laughter to fight for._

_So despite the shadows that lingers on our world. The stain of blood and loss we shall have to wade through before this is all over. I shall never regret that I fight for the freedom and the peace of this world. I shall never regret staying and fighting back against Voldemort. Even should I die in this struggle, I hope those who remain can rebuild this world to the potential I saw that first time I walked through the back wall of the leaky Cauldron. The world I saw was never a lie, it was never perfect, and it had its flaws. But it had so much to give and so much to live for._

_I go to this Battle in the hope that if I never make it back, if I should die before the smog of War lifts, that the people left behind don't repeat the mistakes of the past and let hatred and pride rot the core of something so pure and precocious as a life filled with magic._

All excerpts taken from the Life and Times of Harry Potter a Biography by H J Granger.

"May Harry find Peace wherever he should be"

AN: So this is just a little something somethin' I cooked up to try and defeat that monster known as Writers block. Hope y'all enjoyed? Has my mojo come back to me? Will I finally be able to get passed two chapters of a multi chaptered fic? Who knows, but at least I have not fallen of the face of the earth never to be seen again :D


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